Ants in awkward places.

I woke up to find a tiny ant biting me in an inappropriate place. "Get away from me, you perv," I said. No wonder I was itchy and couldn't get to sleep. No thanks, ants = no thants.

-Unrelated-

I really love when sneezes come in pairs. It seems to provide some kind of closure. As if you thought the first one was a fluke, the second one sets in and gives you a whole new level of satisfaction, as if to legitimize your entire existence as a sneezer. I'm always jealous of those people who sneeze more than three times in a row. What euphoria. The funny thing is, I am not kidding at all.

Is it true that your eyes will pop out if you don't close them while sneezing? I will try my hardest to keep my eyes open next time I sneeze to find out.* Does the same thing happen if you open your eyes while kissing someone?** What if you kiss while sneezing? These are the important matters I concern myself with daily.



*If you see me without eyes, you'll know what I've been up to. But say hi because I won't be able to see you.

**Chances are, I won't be kissing anyone any time soon to find this out. Contact me in 40 years, and hopefully I'll have found out by then.